Two thousand years ago, Man walked to work from his cave along a track in the forest. There were many thieves and no policemen, so he had to be able to defend himself. His wife stayed at home and looked after the washing and ironing.

Most people are right-handed; indeed, the Latin word for right-handed is dexter, as in dexterity (the Latin for left-handed is sinister as in sinister). If Man used a weapon with his right hand he had far better reach if he used it out to his right; if he used it to his left he reduced the effective range. The best place to keep this weapon - a cudgel or a sword - was on his belt at his left hip available for quick action.

Imagine the scene: Man is walking down the track through the forest and sees someone approaching. He may have to defend himself - he moves over to the left so that his right hand will have the best range. Then he sees that the stranger is harmless. He leaves his weapon on his belt and reassures the stranger by showing that he has nothing in his right hand. They shake hands – right hand to right hand. Fact: throughout the world, to this day, everyone shakes the right hand.

Same scene, but now it is winter and Man needs to stay warm. He covers himself with a bearskin, draped over his shoulders and doubled across the front. If the left flap is put over the right flap, just lifting the one left flap will give access to his sword on the belt beneath; it the right flap is over the left flap, it will take longer to draw the sword - a potentially lethal delay. Fact: throughout the word to this day, men's clothing buttons left over right.

As Man became richer he took to riding a horse, and sometimes he took his wife out. She would ride side-saddle; this involved climbing up the left side of the horse and riding with the right knee and right shoulder to the front. Mrs Man did not carry a weapon and if she wore her bearskin coat the same way as Man she suffered from a terrible draught down her front and a chilly left breast - she therefore doubled the right flap over the left and stayed warm. Fashion was set by the ladies of society who could afford horses, the others followed. Fact: throughout the world, to this day, women’s clothing buttons right over left.

For centuries, people everywhere walked, rode horses and drive their carts on the left side of the road. Then the French – you might have guessed! – had their Revolution, stormed the Bastille in 1789, and Napoleon took charge: a major war against Britain broke out. The French and their allies fought against the British and their allies all the armies involved wore colourful uniforms that were almost indistinguishable at a distance. Napoleon had introduced a new legal system and the metric measurement; another revolutionary act was to oblige his people and his allies to march on the opposite side of the road. This also enabled both sides in the conflict to recognise French troops at a distance, even though most roads were hardly highways.

Thanks to Napoleon's military successes on land, French influence spread throughout Europe; most European countries - and their colonies - took to the right side of the road. Britain and her large number of colonies remained on the left. Somewhere like Japan, which was influenced by neither side, continued the natural custom and to this day drives on the left.

In America the former colonials had another war against Britain in 1812 and the French general Lafayette went over to lend a hand (Do you remember Lonnie Donegan singing about the battle of New Orleans?). The Americans were persuaded that they were now revolutionaries and should drive on the right, although this did not become standard throughout all the states until the 20th century and the influence of the motor car.

However, none of these people have changed either their ways of dressing or their way of greeting each other - which they should have done if they had thought it through logically! The sad thing is that most of us who drive on the left are unaware of the perfectly sensible historic and natural reasons for doing so. We have nothing about which to feel ashamed or defensive, and there is no reason to change - whatever the Europeans may say.

Nevertheless, the next time Johnny Foreigner derides you for driving on what he calls the wrong side of the road, seize the wretch by the shirtfront with one hand and his wife by the blouse front with the other. Examine these garments carefully, noting how they are fastened. Ask her how she rides side-saddle and ask him how he holds his sword - and explain to them the error of their ways. When they gratefully bid you farewell, give a superior British sneer and offer your left hand to be shaken - that should fix them however; take care when you depart which side of the road you drive on – it may be what we call the wrong side.

©VEA